Your daughter is engaged and you couldn’t be happier! However, the next few months of planning are sure to come with their fair share of trials and difficulties. As the mother of the bride, you can have a big impact on how smoothly the wedding planning and big day go. This is also a great chance for you and your daughter to bond as you work together to help make all her wedding wishes come true. Below, we’ve outlined some things that mothers of the bride wish they knew before starting this process with their daughters. Keeping these tips in mind will help ensure that the wedding and its planning go smoothly and, more importantly, that your relationship with your daughter does not suffer!
As similar as your daughter may be to you, chances are she’s going to have some preferences and opinions that you do not share. Remember that this is her big day and that ultimately, she can decide what style of dress she will wear and what kind of food she wants served at the reception. You can certainly offer your opinion if she asks for it, but remember to always respect her wishes and let her make the final decisions.
This goes along with our first piece of advice, but it’s important enough to expand on! Your daughter and her fiance are in charge of the wedding (even if you are paying for it). They can choose what they want and how they want their big day to go. If you try to take over, it may add to the bride’s stress levels as she feels she is losing control of her event. There are some things you can oversee in order to help alleviate stress on the bride, but only if she has specifically asked you to. You can also offer to help take charge of certain aspects, but if she says no, do your best to honor that.
Chances are at some point throughout the wedding process, disagreements between you and your daughter will arise. It’s not worth fighting over every small detail of the wedding, but if there is something very important to you that you want your bride to do or incorporate into her big day (such as using your cake server, including a family tradition during the ceremony, etc.), be sure to tell her. However, maybe pick only one or two big requests you may have that matter the most to you and let the other ones slide.
Even if you are technically paying for the wedding, your daughter and her fiance should have the final say regarding the guest list. You can tell her how many people you can afford to have attend, but don’t be unreasonable about who you want on the guest list. If there is someone you want there but that your daughter isn’t very close to, let her have veto power. You want to make sure that your money is spent inviting people the bride and groom truly want there.
What you and the mother of the groom wear can really help set the tone for the whole wedding party, and the last thing you want is to end up wearing the same thing! Talk with the bride about colors/styles she would be ok with and then coordinate with the groom’s mother to make sure your outfits aren’t too matchy-matchy and don’t clash. Check with the bride and get her approval before purchasing your outfit.
Another thing you can do to help keep your daughter stress free (or at least less stressed) during the planning process is to be available to talk, give advice, and complete tasks when she needs you. Obviously, you can’t be available 24/7, but try to check your email and phone regularly so you don’t miss any time-sensitive matters. If you are not able to do something right away, tell your daughter when you will be able to complete her request and stick to it.
If you are paying for the wedding, you are completely in your rights to set a budget for your daughter to stick to. With that said, be a little flexible. If there’s a dress she really wants that is a bit pricier than you budgeted for, talk to her about how you can save money in other areas so you can afford the dress. Be reasonable with your budget and let her know from the beginning how much you are willing to pitch in. Communication is key when it comes to budget issues. But remember, money isn’t everything. If there’s a photographer she desperately wants who is going to push the budget over by a few hundred dollars, think about the grand scheme of things. If you can afford to spend a little extra to make your bride happy, consider doing it.
We truly hope that the wedding planning and big day go well for everyone and that you and your daughter enjoy this fun process together! Remember, what matters most is making this a positive experience for everyone involved and helping your daughter feel special on this important day. If you’re ready to begin planning a wedding, contact Midwest Rentals for a free wedding consultation! We can help you get the planning process started.